tonight i had a much needed talk with a friend
my friend kristy
didnt expect to see her
have never really seen her outside of work
but tonight i did
--though she was still working in her makeshift office at a starbucks table in greenwoodmaking phone calls to all of her new partners--
her store opens on thursday
a most exciting thing
and shes been preparing for it for a long time now
today, after watching the last of season two of lost plus some extras,
i was afraid
i was very afriad
part of me stopped and said to myself
'time wont stop just because youre scared and overwhelmed,
the only thing you can do is keep going, keep going, keep going'
and then i was scared
i heard my roomates come home
i snapped out of it
started getting dressed
knowing i had to get out for a bit
pray
learn truth
shoot some e-mails
maybe make a list for tomorrow
just... accomplish some things
that and getting out of my room is always good for my head
i walked into this store not expecting to see anyone i knew
and there she was
i was glad to see her
shes a refreshing person to be around
so we talked
in between her phone calls
and my setting up my computer
about her store
about other managers
about schultzie (or 'uncle howie' as kristy calls him) coming back to starbucks
about stock going up
about a change for the better we both thought
then i asked her if i could ask her an unrelated question
a vulnerable question
i asked her if she was scared
i said to her'i feel like were in similar spots... you opening a new store and me making a movie'
her reply was that she was ready
'what about a month ago?' i asked
'horrified' she replied
'okay, good,' i replied with a smile and sigh of relief
'im ready for it now though, but thats today, who knows about tomorrow... i tihnk im still on a highfrom shopping for office supplies' she said with a smile and laugh
then we kept talking
and i am so thankful for her honesty
and i told her that
then we began talking on the subject of relationships
(because her construction guy is a hottie and can hang shelves)
i told her that i feel im learning i dont need to be saved by someone
and that i thought i already knew that
and she spoke on the matter
and said 'no, you dont'
she said ' to me the even greater romance isnt needing someone...
even needing someone somuch you would die without them,
but choosing them...
choosing to wake up to that person every single morning of your life...
thats romance...
love'
she said
'im okay being by myself...
i can live without someone...
it may not be as pretty without them,
but my life will still keep going...
my life will never stop, just because someone elses does
or because our realtionship does'
'and im not going to just keep someone around to keep me company.
ive got books, movies, and a dog.
ive got friends to keep me company, im fine' she laughed
'im beginning to realize something like that' i said
'that i cant and dont need to save someone else
and i dont need to be saved either...
that im an adult and i can take care of myself... im a big girl'
we talked some more on the matter
and she said one of those key phrases
that sums up an important thing you need always to remember
wisdom in few words
'...its caring for eachother, not saving eachother that makes a realationship work...'
im still learning all of that
but our conversation was good
it was so very needed
we talked about the two things ive been wrestling with for months
and will probably continue to wrestle with
but that means too that im always learning
