youd think id update this little guy more, eh?
but alas, yea, i dont really have an excuse lol
a lot on my mind
but thats always the case
a couple weeks ago we made the executive desision to push filming back until the summer
i still feel like i dont keep in touch with people enough
call them enough
do enough pre-production stuff
--there is so much to do in any given day.
on top of that, i want to start school and get my cdl
(drive buses, steady income, impact kids...
its proving to be increasingly difficult to make a movie with no money
for yourself or the film, lol)
and my cousins pregnant
sixteen
i love her to death
i dont think she should stay at home
i cant imagine staying at home
babys daddy is a good guy
but no money
i want her to have the option of moving in
gotta have my own place for that though
i was gonna get ready for school
and get my cdl after we shot in march
so that i could start driving and going to school in the fall
but, well, lol, a month or so after shooting now
(now that were shooting in the summer)
isnt really enough to secure either of those
so here i am
not so much overwhelmed
i just need to get a plan going
that usualy helps the most
otherwise i just worry
and stress
and have no solution
so i tihnk it will all be okay
we have some benifit shows for the film coming up
one this friday at strange brew in greenwood
and another march 30th in ft wayne
i need to get someone in charge of funraising stuff there
-thats another thing on my mind
selling artwork by cast, crew, friends
t-shirts...
the list could go on and on
on another note
i was thinking about other things
and wrote just a bit ago....
what do i think?
i think we always
think the grass will be greener on the other side
when in reality
the spot we are standing in right now
is the most beautiful shade of green there ever was
thats what i think.
thats what i do.
i tihnk i can watch a movie
and think life in the city is best
life on stage is the best
because someone else is doing it
because i dont have to feel the strugle
in that 90 minutes of story
i forget that that 90 minutes
represents years of sweat and blood
of lonliness
of depression
of figuring out
while never being able to do so
and then in the end
this thing spits out
and its reality
and its triumph
and its beautiful
but only because of all that has been previously mentioned
and i sit here
wanting the easy way out
the easy way out leads to death
or at least death of the soul
which i believe to be far worse
than a lack of beating in ones heart
so father
help me write my story
the one you planned out
the one where i die
and you live
the one where i take blood and sweat
and pain and lonliness
and depression
and trying to figure things out
but never able
because this world
and story is so much bigger than i
the one where i take all that
instead of a dead soul
and in turn live
because i want to live.
-----
thats all for now folks
ill try to update a bit more ;)
